You supported me essay - PR COOLSTORES

I am studying for ielts exam for two months but my language skills not too strong. Because this is the my first year with English and i need 5 band score from this exam quickly. So, i wrote somethings about this topic. I am ashamed because there are many faults in my essay but i am wondering is it enough for 5? Thanks for all your supports!

You, G-d, Have Supported Me With Joy - Gematria

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The first thing that I've noticed is although you made your position in intro explicity, you went in favour of both views. Having looked at Simon's essay, you see he did support both of them, because of his position in the intro. In the second paragraph you could say about opposite side and then went to give some reasons to show how you oppose them, or simply add other reasons.

Ethel Belk, may she rest in peace

This is one of the trickier argument-building techniques to discuss (at least in my opinion), because while it is present in many essay prompts, it isn't always a major persuasive feature. You can pretty easily identify an author's explanation of evidence if the author connects claims to support and explains it, rather than just throwing out evidence without much ceremony or linking to the claim; however, whether or not the explanation of the evidence is a major contributing factor to the author's argument is somewhat subjective. Here's a pretty clear instance of a case where an author uses explanations of each piece of evidence she discusses to logically advance her argument (again from the Dockterman passage):

You supported me essay
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You are a life saver and I am very pleased with the essay you wrote.

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